


goodbye, please don't cry, we both know i'm not what you need

by delorange



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, F/M, JUST, before he leaves for milan but after the office scene, bit of a cristina character study, i cried so much and i was writing it, idk it’s just a scene in switzerland, it’s literally 3:45am, major angst, probably riddled with typos, read it and make ur own judgement tho, she’s operating i guess i mean she’s wearing scrubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:21:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25213849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delorange/pseuds/delorange
Summary: Preston Burke was selfless for Cristina all those years ago; now it’s time for Cristina to be selfless for him.
Relationships: Preston Burke/Cristina Yang
Comments: 11
Kudos: 17





	goodbye, please don't cry, we both know i'm not what you need

**Author's Note:**

> whew okay wow that was so- i sobbed big ugly tears and i have nothing else to say it’s almost 4am. enjoy i guess x
> 
> title from i will always love you by whitney houston (yes i did change it from that god awful song i’d never even heard of until this morning)

"Dr Burke, a word?" Cristina pulls him away from the nurses' station he's working at. She's so glad that, even though his main responsibility is running the Institute, he hasn't completely given up on surgery, or rounds, or any of the mundane things he used to excel at at Seattle Grace. Especially considering it’s his last day. 

She leads him in to an on call room purely for the privacy it provides, and fills her lungs with air. He leaves in six hours; this is her last ditch attempt at saying what she's wanted to say ever since she arrived in Switzerland. 

"I'm about to say something, and it's something that you don't want to hear and it's something that I'm going to regret afterwards, but it's something I need to say," she begins. 

To her surprise, there's a whimper from above her. Tears roll down Dr Burke's face, and he shakes his head desperately. "Please, Cristina, don't- don't do this to me... my wife, my kids..." 

She has a list about a million miles long of reasons why she precisely should do it. The immense satisfaction of breaking him like he broke her is tantalising, and so, so close. Three little words. 

Yet she doesn't. She waits, because if she meant the three little words, she wouldn't break him, because that's the opposite of what you're supposed to do if you love someone. And she means them. 

"I love my wife. I love her." His voice is strained, and it hurts Cristina somewhere deep inside to see him in that pain, that conflict with himself that she knows so well. 

It's not in Cristina's nature to be selfless. In fact, she has quite a reputation for being selfish; she's egotistical to a fault. When she knows what she wants, she goes and she gets it. She knows exactly what she wants, and she hasn't wanted anything more since she decided to become a surgeon. 

But other people matter. Owen had told her that, after she'd tried to trade him for Teddy's teaching. She didn't pay any notice, blindsided by the fact someone cared so much to stay, after she picked surgery over them. Other people still didn't - don't - matter.

But Burke matters. He's mattered right from the off, as her cardiothoracic attending. It was in her best interests to be in his good books. Not so much to fall in love with him, but it's not like that stopped her. Then, he mattered so much she lied to her Chief of Surgery for him. He mattered so much she sacrificed herself for him without a backwards glance. 

And yet somehow, he still matters. He left her, abandoned her, because he loved her. He couldn't bear to witness her changing herself for him, and he knew the best thing for her was to have him gone. So that's what he did. Preston Burke was selfless for Cristina all those years ago; now it's time for Cristina to be selfless for him. 

"Okay." She wipes his tears with a feather-light touch, pulls his head down onto her shoulder to provide him with those precious moments of solace she knew he so desperately needed. He sobs and disguises them as ragged breaths, but she feels the wet through her scrubs and strokes a hand through his hair. 

She thinks of the many nights they'd done this after the shooting. He wasn't okay. To everyone else, he was the same old Dr Burke, the Dr Burke who got shot but Dr Shepherd fixed him and now everything's back to normal. Only Cristina saw him, really _saw_ him during that time. She was his only relief after a long day of pretending. 

Now, she whispers tender words into his ear, cradling him as his heart slows and the tears dry. His lifts his head up to look Cristina in the eye. Her own eyes are swimming with unshed tears. He takes her hands in his, and they take each other in, probably for the last time. 

"Enjoy Milan, Dr Burke." She reaches for the doorknob behind him, but her hand falters before it can get there. In the spur of the moment, she rises up and presses her lips to his, only for a second. A second is all she's allowed, but a second will never be enough. She wants a lifetime, but she can only have a second. And that second is over. 

She leaves the on call room, except that's not all she's leaving. When she shuts the door on him, she knowingly, willingly, painfully shuts the door on her only chance at love. Because she's realised, if it's not him, it's not good enough. He's always right there with her, in her ear in the OR, or across the table whenever she goes to fancy restaurant, or pressed up against her in bed. No one compares.


End file.
